I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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