Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
