I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
