his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
