The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize