and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
