trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
