I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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