MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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