he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
