Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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