I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
