i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
