I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
