Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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