shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
