I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
