Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
