Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
