I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
