K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
