I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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