Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
