I cockslap morals
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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