My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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