don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
