17 year olds will be the death of me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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