hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
