1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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