Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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