Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
