eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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