I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
