somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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