Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
