I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
