First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
