Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
