I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
