bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
