There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
