I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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