She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
