How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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