i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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