what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
