you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
