Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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