My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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