I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
