i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
