mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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