just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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