Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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