I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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