Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
