no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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