Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
