I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think i have herpe
just one?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
