Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
