I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
