Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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