Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
