i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Panties = found
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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