My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
